confessions of a second year teacher: crisis

I haven’t shared a real story, or experience lately. I feel like I’m over due. The truth of the matter is, I come home too tired to do anything 99% of the time. I’m a zombie and any time I’m inspired to write, I end up forgetting or simply don’t have time for.

Last week, I was in a meeting. This meeting was regarding the pass/failure rate. Let’s break it down real simply: We have a student body consisting of roughly 1600 students. Of those 1600 students, over 1300 students have at least one F.

80% of students at my school are failing at least one class.

That number is astronomical. This is unheard of to me. I mean, that is utterly mind blowing and unacceptable in my view. How can 80% of a school, any school, be failing in at least one subject? This is just not a teacher at this point, this is a community issue that needs to be resolved at home. There is no doubt that there is some responsibility on the hands of teachers, but it boils down to home.

Truth: most teachers at my school (myself included) don’t assign homework, at least not on a regular basis. It goes against a lot of things I believe in, but the saying goes at the school that if you want to fail a kid real quickly – give them homework. On the days that I do assign homework, I get maybe 2-3 completed assignments (out of a class of roughly 30). There’s something wrong there.

My testing policy goes as this: Kids are given a study guide for my tests 2-3 days in advance. They spend 2 full class periods working on the study guide. We go over the study guide, and we’ll typically play a review game. There’s no reason why they should not be completed because we go over it together before I even take up the study guide. I take the study guide up right before the test, these count as an entire test grade so in the case that you fail miserably on a test, you’re grade won’t be too terribly hurt as long as you turn in the study guide completed. My tests are ripped straight from the study guide.

Most kids don’t have these study guides complete, or turned in.

When it comes to essay questions, most students will outright refuse to answer them. Doesn’t matter how much you weight the question, they won’t answer it. They’d much rather take an F than to ever actually critically think about the subject at hand.

As you can see, if I were to lower the bar any further, I might as well just give them free A’s and B’s.

We have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in the entire state. We have one of the highest adult illiteracy rates in the state. I couldn’t tell you the number of phone calls I’ve made to parents where I get the response, “Well…I just don’t know what to do with them.”

I’m just at a complete and utter loss at this point. And the frustration and discouragement is building.

 

confessions of a second year teacher: tired

Word of the craziness at my school is starting to reach other counties. We’re becoming the laughingstock of the area. The micromanagement won’t stop, in fact, it’s starting to get worse.

I’m tired. The environment is so negative. You can just look around at people’s faces around the school and see the anger, frustration, and exhaustion on everyone’s faces.

Bad kids. Bad administration. You can’t have both, it’s either one or the other.

 

confessions of a second year teacher: load me up

After the past year and a half, I have to come to terms with this fact that this place is getting close to beating me down. I don’t look forward to going to work. It’s not the kids – it’s the management. I don’t know when education became so complicated, and I don’t know when it became ok to threaten people with their jobs and make examples out of people…but it doesn’t sit well with me. Everyone is paranoid, and everyone is miserable. It’s an environment of negativity and confusion. The teachers and the kids have been berated and beaten to the point where the only thing that will change the atmosphere is a change in the administration.

This is not what I signed up for. This is not what teaching should be.

I’m tired.

 

unsubstantiated rumors are good enough for me

We are less than a month from the US presidential election; an election that is undoubtedly one of the most important elections of our lifetime. An election that will have worldwide ramifications.

In the past few days I’ve become irate over what has been going on with the election campaign. I’m going to go as far to say that I’ve never disliked politicians as much as I do as in Sarah Palin and John McCain. The more I listen to them speak, the angrier I get. Angrier at the American people for swallowing their talking points, angry at the Republican Party for their actions in the past 20+ years, angry at the entire McCain/Palin campaign and their verbal diarrhea.

The latest strategy in the sinking ship of this ticket is now trying to tie Barack Obama with a 60s domestic terrorist. Never mind the fact that just a few days ago, Sarah Palin chastises Joe Biden for “looking backwards” and never mind the fact that the relationship between Obama and Ayers was more or less a working relationship to improve schools in Chicago. Never mind the fact that Obama was only a child when the Weather Underground carried out these domestic bombings and never mind the fact that even if Obama was associated with Bill Ayers, it does not necessarily mean that he approves of this man’s past and his opinions of the United States government.

It’s such an unbelievable non-issue. It is an issue served only to distract from the bigger and more pressing issues of our time.

We are currently engulfed in the largest financial crisis since the Great Depression. This country is pouring billions of dollars each month into a seemingly endless war with no serious movement to bring troops home. The country has the largest national debt in its history. There are millions of people who are unemployed, uninsured, and have no health care. Our education system needs a total overhaul. Gas prices have skyrocketed.

And yet the McCain/Palin campaign wants to stress a relationship between Barack Obama and a Weather Undeground member that is nothing more than a stretch, at best?

I watched the VP debate and I couldn’t help but laugh. Laugh at the fact that Sarah Palin was chosen as someone who could very well be a heartbeat away from the presidency. A woman who spoke only in vague descriptions and readied one-liners; a woman who is clearly not prepared for the role of the presidency as shown by her repeated gaffs and embarrassing interviews. A woman who tried to compare herself to me and my family. No, Sarah Palin. You know nothing of what most Americans have gone through these past 8 years. Just because you’re a former hockey mom doesn’t mean you know what it’s like to be in a credit crunch, to be unemployed, underpaid, to be uninsured, to have no health care, and to continually have to bail your party’s friends out of their greed and manipulation. No, McCain/Palin, neither of you know anything of what most Americans are currently experiencing or what they’ve been through.

The more I think about it, the angrier I get. This election should not be as close as it is. After the past 8 years of continually failed and abysmal Republican policies, after years of dirty tricks against the Democrats during the Clinton administration and the corruption of the Reagan administration, how can one actually vote Republican at this time?

It is time to end failed Republican rule.

It is time to hand the reins over to someone new.

It is time for change.

It is time for a change in politics and to end dirty smear campaigns.

It is time for people in this country to wake the fuck up.

 

confessions of a second year teacher: it’s the same ol’ song

Just about every teacher had a formal observation yesterday; the Friday before vacation starts. She went on an absolute tear on everybody. She tore apart a lot of teachers in the building, myself included.

I’ve stopped caring.

 

confessions of a second year teacher: do you even listen to yourself talk?

Had a department meeting today. My department head reports back to us about the meeting he had to attend the other day with the administration. The entire meeting was nothing but negativity and complaints from the administration. Here is what the administrators told the department heads, and what they need to pass onto us. This is all true, and I swear to God I am not making any of this up:

- “The days of lecture are over”.

- We are not supposed to give students worksheets.

- Videos must be shown in “clips” and not in their entirety, and no – this does not mean you can play a movie, stop it every few minutes to explain to the kids what’s going on, and press play again.

- We must teach via “differentiated instruction”. Group work is not “differentiated instruction”.

- Our work must contain more “rigor” and we must push higher levels of thinking onto our students.

- Our students need to know the state standards, and the state standards must not be “kid friendly” but they must be verbatim.

- Vocab quizzes are a “no-no” and we must embed the vocab words into the actual lesson and “not have students spending the period looking up definitions”.

So, let me clarify all of this: We cannot lecture, we cannot give worksheets. Our lessons must be “differentiated” but they also must be rigorous. Group work does not count as “differentiated” and quizzes dealing with vocabulary words are not allowed. We cannot show movies unless they are approved by the administrators, and IF they are approved (and that’s a big if, let me tell you), they must be shown in “clips”.

If anybody can make any sense of this, and could actually provide me any type of lesson plan that fits into this framework, it would be greatly appreciated.

I don’t work at a high school. I work in a circus.

 

confessions of a second year teacher: thieves

I’m part of this student club that carries out fund raisers every month. Each month is for a different charity. It’s really cool and I’m very happy I can be an adviser to the club. This month we’re raising money for premature and sick babies. 1 in 6 babies are born premature in our county, while the national average is 1 in 8. Needless to say, this is an important and worthy cause. On my desk sits a box full of change donated by kids for this cause.

I had an incident in one of my morning classes on Friday. It was actually probably the worst class I’ve ever experienced and it stemmed from one kid. It had gotten so bad that I had to leave the room while another teacher watched my class so I could grab a principle to get this kid removed from my class.

The bell rings and the classes switch by the time I get back to my room. I look on my desk and my box had been ripped open and there only a single penny remained in the box; more insulting than anything else. My mouth hit the floor and as my next class came into the room, they could immediately tell something was wrong.

I’m not really sure what to say to that class tomorrow. There’s no justification for it, no matter what age you are. You just don’t steal, especially from charity, and especially from sick babies.

I’ve seen and experienced a lot of things at this school, but this tops them all. The amount of disrespect by some of these kids is getting to me. As opposed to a year ago, I let a lot of things slide and not bother me, but this is something I can’t shake off or forget.

 

american blues

http://www.yousendit.com/download/bVlCWWVvWlQyWGRMWEE9PQ

Even those in The Optimists Club
Have a hard time staying in love
18 members of a dying breed
We know what color we bleed
Book drive for the school children
Independence day flag distribution
The general level of pessimism
the worst in almost 30 years
$4-a-gallon gas as jobs get slashed
You love your house?
Now give it back.

Keep beaming through the pledge of allegiance because you aint dead yet
Just disgusted and scared
Living through this mess
This year we are not so sure
Battered and bruised
Young and old
Stable or stone?
Stable or stoned?

It’s happening everywhere we look
Everything’s rehearsed
Should be better
Life’s getting better while the people feel worse
Everyone needs someone to blame
When things don’t go their way

Life’s getting better while the people feel worse
Everyone’s rehearsed
Something new, someone new
People need someone to blame when things don’t go their way
Maybe the price has to be paid
Model American
Take us by the hand
Live through thus depression

 

Tell me is that rollin’ thunder? Or just the sinkin’ sound of somethin’ righteous goin’ under?

I’m really not pissed off more than usual to be perfectly honest regarding the financial crisis facing this country. I can’t bring myself to be.

I’m not on this whole “the sky is falling” thing with the bailouts. I’m optimistic the government will fix this. Am I happy? No. Will times be tough? Absolutely. Will it take some time? Of course. But I’m not going to freak out about it. I’m done freaking out over politics and economics because I’ve learned that those people running the show don’t really care about me and that everything repeats itself. Their political graves are being dug by their own hands.

Corporate greed and middle class theft is nothing new, especially in this country. We are outraged about politicians taking money from lobbyists and special interests; but they’ve been doing it for years and nobody will truly stand up to it and stop it. Corporations have been giving this government handjobs since this country first started. People in this country will get upset when “welfare” and “social programs” get thrown around in debate, but we have no fucking problems dropping bombs and killing innocent people based on a mountain of lies and half truths.

How ironic.

We will Socialize Wall Street. We will not Socialize The Middle Class.

We are outraged when the middle class gets screwed over but nobody is ever held accountable for their actions. We’re outraged when politicians lie to us, but we will support a candidate who has built their entire campaign on it. Wall Street fat cats will oppose social programs because it isn’t capitalism, but they will be the first ones to accept those very same handouts when they’re in trouble.

We are outraged over the past 8 years of lies, mishandeling of foreign policy, and economic disaster…but we will re-elect someone of the same party who brought all of this onto the country. How does this make sense? How does this make any sense to an outsider of this country?

I’m just tired of the double-speak and hypocrisy, on all sides.

 

confessions of a second year teacher: progress?

So far this school year has yielded mixed results. I can’t say it’s better than last year, but I also can’t say it’s any worse. In some ways, the year has gone easier: the lesson planning doesn’t stress me out anymore and I have a skeleton to work of off. Some of the really obnoxious things that kids do that would enrage me a year ago simply rolls off my shoulders and I actually laugh. Kids do not like it when you smile when they’re angry, which gives me more motivation to do at times.

The classes seem calmer and more in control. My write-ups are way down from last year, which is good. I’m trying to not write kids up. I’m trying to work with them and be level. It seems to be working. I have a reputation around the school, apparently. A lot of kids say hi to me and I have no idea who they are, but they say hi to me. There are kids who always come back and tell me how much they miss my class and how great of a teacher I am. A student I had a year ago transferred schools a couple weeks ago; he went out of his way to say goodbye to me and tell me how great of a teacher I am.

I always try to place that above anything administrators do or say to me.

The politics have not changed, however. They will not change until there is a new principle inside our school. Morale is still low and nobody enjoys being inside of the school. We are constantly micro-managed to the point of frustration. We cannot show any type of video unless forms are filled out and approved by one of the asst. principles, which sometimes takes a couple days. Often times, those videos are rejected anyways or you’re told “to show in clips, not entirety”. Field trips are often denied. Our principle makes empty threats and has caved in on them, one such example happened a few weeks ago. She stated repeatedly to the staff and to the kids that whichever grade level has the most write-ups, they will not be able to participate in the pep rally.

She let everyone go to the pep rally.

We’re told to “differentiate” instruction. Nobody really knows what that means though. The administrators throw that word around all day long and we’re all left scratching our heads at it because if we can’t show movies, or go on field trips, then how exactly are we supposed to “differentiate” instruction? A lot of teachers blow it off. They go in and lecture every day. For some of us, it’s the only way to keep some of these kids under control. Most of these kids know nothing but worksheets anyways and can’t handle group work or any type of computer lab activity.

I should just enter the field of educational research and come up with B.S. terms like that. And then, in two years time, come up with new terms and new lesson plan layouts. It’s a goldmine and administrators and superintendents eat it up.

The meetings are seemingly endless. I had meetings everyday this week, sometimes twice a day; morning, afternoon, middle of class. It’s only the end of September and I already feel fried. Fall break will be here in two weeks though. This is something that you will never really be told in college, or ever be prepared for.

At the end of the month, I will finally be done with my first year teacher salary. They cut my checks into 13 months instead of 12 and for the past 13 months, I have struggled with money. This has been the most discouraging thing of it all, I think. Since I’ve moved down here, all I’ve really wanted was a full, complete paycheck. When you are in the situation I am, you want to be able to have as much fun as possible and that fun has been hindered by trying to scrape by each month. I was promised a raise but I’m not going to hold my breath on anything this county promises.

My group of friends at the school are my saviors. They are some of the best friends I have ever made, and if it wasn’t for them – I would’ve packed it up a long time ago. I’ve been blessed, and fortunate to have these people be a part of my life. We’re in the trenches together, and we’ve all been through hell in the past 14 months. They are my family. We have a lot of fun at work, or try to anyways.

I’m not sure what I want to do after this year. I’m not sure if I still want to continue to teach. But I have job fair dates circled, I’ll be going to some for sure. It’s just a matter if I can leave or not. And with all of the hiring freezes and money issues within the state, that might not be possible.

It’s not any better, but it’s not any worse. I suppose that’s progress.