Bob’s Blog

The hardest thing I have learned about teaching is classroom discipline and management. Being a first year teacher is hard enough; it’s even harder to deal with kids who have no structure period. When you call a parent and they tell you that they themselves have no control over their kid – you know you have a bit of an issue.

Everything I’ve done has been nothing but trial by fire. Some days I get burned harder than others.

And so, for nearly 3 months it has been a power struggle inside of my classroom. I’ve observed some other classrooms by other veteran teachers, and I’ve felt much better, and more confident, about myself and my abilities. But it’s still a battle and you need to go in everyday with your armor. For as a stressed and weary I am, I’ve yet to really break down. I have some teacher friends who have taken their planning period, locked themselves in their room, and have balled their eyes out because they’ve been pushed to that point. Others who have taken multiple days off because they simply cannot handle the the types of kids we have and it snowballs.

About a month ago though, I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I went out and smoked a pack of cigarettes; those that know me will attest to the fact that I’m not a smoker. But I don’t believe I’ve reached my real breaking point yet, like some of my other friends have.

One thing I’ve maintained though is learning how to pick my battles. There are days where I’m not going to fight a kid with an mp3 player in the room. There are days where I’m not going to fight cell phones as hard as others. There are days where I’m not going to wake a kid up in the classroom. Cussing, talking? Some days you just have to let it slide and forget it. Perhaps that creates inconsistency in the classroom. But I’ve also learned that some problems are not worth blowing up on some days and you want to minimize the amount of time wasted in the actual classroom. And at this point, most kids know where I draw the line and generally won’t push me. Well, except my 6th period. They’re heathens.

You may ask yourself where I’ve learned this lesson. I mostly get it from my co-teacher and on most days, it’s pretty apparent you can’t fight everything.

A little bit about my co-teacher: I have her for my first two periods of the day; my World History classes are mostly special ed. She’s served in the military, she’s worked in the prison system, she has various degrees in criminal law and political science. She knows her stuff. She’s been around the block so-to-speak. You get on her bad side, and she will bury you. She is currently in the midst of pressing charges against this student’s parents because their son is spreading rumors about my co-teacher. Me? I’m not going to bother with that nonsense because I have no interest in what a 15 year old has to say about my personal life. And if that rumor becomes so big within the school (unlikely) then I have no problems talking to the administration about it and getting that child suspended or simply removed from the school entirely. But I’m not going to waste my time on such nonsense otherwise.

Not her though.

Everyday, it’s a crack down on the kids. And the kids resent her for it. She knows it but she continues to do so. Everyday, there’s an issue in the classroom. Mostly petty, senseless issues that I would 90% of the time ignore. She escalates and agitates many of the kids in there. Everyday, there’s at least one kid yelled at, sent to the office, or kicked out of the room. There are days where she will spend literally, 5 minutes blowing up on a kid…for one incident. Nevermind multiple incidents. There have been times where nearly a quarter of my class time is halted because of her. That’s at least 10-15 minutes. Add that up over the course of 3 months – that’s a lot of wasted time.

Every day.

I’ve had more success reaching to some of these kids simply by talking to them and being real with them and listening to what they have to say. I think some of the kids just thrive on confrontation with people like her and want to fight. Scratch that. I know that. My philosophy is a little different. I think some of these kids need someone to talk to and listen to. Of course, that doesn’t excuse irrational behavior and acting like a complete jackass. But, you as a teacher, shouldn’t provoke and it’s clear that some kids just need to be pulled outside of the classroom and talked to one-on-one and not verbally beaten down. I’ve been able to win a lot of kids over through this method, kids who typically had given me a hard time originally.

And so, she dominates my classroom. Typically, I handle all of the lesson planning and actual teaching. She handles the discipline. She’s a nice woman to talk to, and we’re on the same page with things with how the school is being run, and our views on the community and culture within the school. But there’s a problem:

I’ve lost those two classes, in terms of discipline. They more or less blow me off when I’m up there by myself. The difference is hot and cold. And quite frankly, I’m a bit upset about it. I’ve talked with other teachers who have this woman in their classroom, and it’s the same deal: they’ve also lost their kids and it’s a hot and cold difference within the room. She’s even going to completely take over one of the other social studies teacher’s periods, she told me today. Granted, the man is not doing the best job teaching (though, it’s hard in this environment to get anywhere) that’s still no right to undermine him and his authority because at the end of the day, it’s his classroom and if you’re that concerned about the students learning, then you need to work with him and not go completely over his head.

As you can see, approaching her about toning it down and stepping back a little bit is a bit hard and she’s not exactly the most approachable person in the world in these matters.

This c0-teacher issue was dropped on me literally 2 days before classes began. I resented it 3 months ago and I resent it now.

3 months in, and this whole teaching thing hasn’t gotten easier. There are some days where I get run over and I have no control over some of these kids. But there are too many days where I feel like a complete failure as an educator. I don’t come home happy on most days; most days I want to feel like I’ve accomplished something and that I’ve impacted somebody’s life in some way or another. Most days, I don’t feel like that. Most days, I hate my job.

These kids will not outlast me. I’m here because this is my life. But I’m getting tired. I just wonder when they’ll start to get tired.

The Ron Paul Revolution, as it’s been called, has been sweeping the internet in the past 6 months. While I’m no Ron Paul fan (nice foreign policy ideas, however his domestic policies would’ve worked 200+ years ago), it’s nice to see a not-so-typical candidate get some spotlight. Though, there are some problems with the attention that he and some others have been receiving (and not receiving).

The mainstream media have tried to take him out; no question. No side is safe on this issue. And what’s happening to him is what happened to Howard Dean when he ran in 2004: being painted as some type of radical and nut job, but in reality, the views they express really aren’t. In fact, I’d argue that much of Paul’s views are views most average Americans can at least appreciate. Both CNN and FOX have accused this man of explicitly stating that America had a direct hand in the 9/11 attacks. That, of course, is simply untrue. He did say though that America’s foreign policy helped create that event. Anybody who has studied US post-WWII foreign policy would agree with that assessment; we’ve pissed off a lot of people and we’ve made a lot of bad moves that has created a lot of resentment in the world (rightly or wrongly) and part of the reason why 9/11 happened was because of past mistakes in our dealing with our countries.

It’s arrogant and naive to assume that we’ve made no mistakes and that our actions have no consequences. People like Rudy Giuliani need to stop reading their high school history textbooks and actually study what has been taking place in the past 60 years.

But, on the much larger issue:

One of the greatest things about the internet is that it has allowed grassroots democracy to once again re-enter the political landscape and change the cycle. During the mid to late 70’s, the Republicans and conservatives took hold of this by creating a rather impressive system of newsletters and mailings that directly hit home. This not even mentioning their hold on talk radio for years now. Because of this grassroots effort, it allowed the rise of Reaganism in the 1980’s and the conservative movement that still exists today.

However, the internet within the past 4 years has exploded and has given rise to your not-so-typical candidates such as Howard Dean and Ron Paul. The liberal movement finally has a face (blogging) and now is a force that cannot be ignored. For all of it’s benefits, the internet has also given rise to ridiculous 9/11 conspiracy theorists who take bits and pieces of some questionable events that happened on that date and stretch them out into inane and absurd things like how the event was planned by Bush and the buildings collapsed through controlled demolitions set up by the government.

I won’t really get into the 9/11 conspiracy theories because they are nothing more than a complete and utter slap in the face to every person that died that day. The fact is, none of those conspiracy theories stand up to any scientific fact, historical precedence, or logical reasoning. There’s not a single, credible historian or political scientist who backs 9/11 conspiracy theories. For any conspiracy theorist who knows anything about paying attention to politics or science, President Bush did not need 9/11 to attack Iraq. Attacking Iraq had been on the table two years before that event even happened. Never mind the existence of PNAC long before 9/11. It’s utterly impossible to have the amount of explosives needed to blow up buildings of that size with no one knowing. Among many other illogical and inane things in these conspiracies.

With that, you have the Ron Paul supporters flipping out over closings of the MSNBC poll and somehow, taking things to heart and jumping overboard on issues. Not surprisingly, many of his supporters are radicals. I don’t mean that in a negative way, but the views held by many of his supporters aren’t held by most Americans and many of his supporters back this 9/11 conspiracy nonsense.

With all this said, this isn’t even getting into blogs like Little Green Footballs or Americablog where the insults and throw away propaganda that flies out of both sides is at times, shocking and you can’t help but wonder if some of these people actually exist.

And, so here we are in quite the dilemma. You have the mainstream media as corrupt and sensational as they are, and will bury anybody who wants some real change in the country. Or, you have the internet where the vile and venom that spews out from both sides of the aisle is almost unbelievable and any decent, well thought-out opinion gets buried under insults and half-witted remarks; making that blog no different than Bill O’Reilly’s TV show. While the internet is arguably the greatest human invention ever, it’s also a giant cesspool of stupidity and ignorance; where people are easily suckered into nonsense simply because they watched a 10 minute Youtube video that pulls bits and pieces of events and things and warps them into “facts”.

And so. One is left wondering what they should do and who they can actually turn to for honest opinions, reporting and decent journalism.

I haven’t really followed the news in the past couple weeks. I get angry at liberal blogs, I won’t dare touch the vile on many of the conservative blogs. I can’t watch Keith Olbermann any longer because MSNBC, for whatever reason, does not come in my basic cable package. Yet I somehow receive CNN, FOX, and all the OTHER cable news stations.

To be fair though, I haven’t had the desire or motivation to read the news anyways. Same shit, different day.

In a couple weeks, I’m taking my friend Jess to see the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. I’ll be honest, I’m pretty excited. I’ll also be seeing the Cleveland Orchestra right around Christmas. I’ve been fairly interested in classical music for about a year or so now, and haven’t found the time or had the money to see any concerts. It’s also helps if you have a friend that actually enjoys it and loves that type of music. Luckily, I do. And she’s just as excited as I am.

The last time I even saw the Cleveland Orchestra was back in 3rd grade. Needless to say, most kids can’t really appreciate that type of thing. Hell, most people in general don’t appreciate that type of thing, sadly. The Cleveland Orchestra has been in trouble financially the past few years. At least I have the opportunity to see them once more if something happens to them. Truly an amazing group of musicians.

Speaking of music, here are some albums I’ve been really into as of late. Some older, some newer:

Radiohead – In Rainbows
Bruce Springsteen – Magic
Thrice – The Alchemy Index Vol. 1 and 2
Elvis Costello – My Aim Is True
U2 – The Joshua Tree
Elliot Smith – From A Basement On The Hill
The Bronx – The Bronx
Kanye West – Graduation

I’m excited about the movie American Gangster in the next couple weeks. I never get excited about movies, but it just looks great. You can’t ever go wrong with Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe. I caught The Heartbreak Kid a couple weekends ago. Pretty decent movie; funnier than I thought it would’ve been.

The Indians are one win away from the World Series. I’ve been mum about the whole thing because I don’t want to jinx it. Here’s hoping that they can finally put it away tomorrow night…

It’s been about 3 months since I’ve moved here to Atlanta. I’ll be honest, it hasn’t gotten a whole lot easier. I’ve been on vacation the past week from school; a much needed break. I feel re-energized in terms of work. But my life outside of teaching feels quite the opposite right now.

I’m more homesick than I’ve ever been. I haven’t seen my parents since I left, which has been the hardest part in all of this. I’ve lost touch with some people I considered good friends (you very quickly find out who your true friends are in times like this). All of this more or less hit me last night as I was going to bed and for the past day, I’ve been in this weird, depressed mood.

It feels like an avalanche on top of me right now. A couple weeks ago, I felt like I had a nervous breakdown because of my job. Now, it feels like the stresses of things outside of the job are finally starting to hit me.

I think the other part in all of this that’s been so hard, is that I moved all the way down here for a job I don’t even really like. In fact, I more or less hate it.  It’s not so much the teaching but rather the circus that surrounds the place I work. That’s the most discouraging part in all of this, now thinking about it. I could have simply stayed in Cleveland and taught the very same thing to the very same type of kids in the very same type of public school system. At least, if anything, I would be with my family and most of my best friends would be within driving distance. I, instead, have been dealing with this alone for the most part.

With the struggles of my job on top of this move, I’ve learned more about myself than any other period in my life. This has been, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever done with my life, and it hasn’t gotten a whole lot easier.

Perhaps this is just the homesickness talking, but I question whether or not moving down here was the right decision for me. Granted, I’ve made some new friends down here and that has helped. But, with the stresses of the job, not having a close circle of friends and people who “get you”, and not being near family, I’ve begun to wonder if moving back to Cleveland is an option. It’s not something I would have at all considered a month or two ago, obviously. But, it’s a thought that has been popping in my head in the past couple days. There’s no shame in swallowing one’s pride and admitting failure. The only failure is never trying in the first place.

But, who am I kidding? Those that know me know that I stick with things, for better or for worse, and I’m not one to give up on things. And chances are, I won’t move back to Cleveland (at least not in the immediate future)

But I just have to question when all of this is going to start getting easier for me.

I always get excited when summer ends because after enduring 3-4 months of sweltering 90+ degree days and the hot hot sun, we enter into fall. Fall is the most beautiful and fun time of the year.

You really can’t ask for a better season than fall. The leaves are changing into the beautiful golden brown. The weather has turned cooler and instead of wearing shorts or heavy coats, you can simply put on your hoodie and be amazingly comfortable. Fall also means Halloween and pumpkin carving. It also means apple cider and chili. It also means you can crack open your window during those 50 degree nights and lay in your nice warm bed.

It really is the best time of the year.

Within the past year, I’ve dealt with a lot of things many teachers will never have to deal with: multiple suicides (taking place inside the school and out), thugs, multiple direct threats by students, and other things of that nature.

Of course, as a teacher, you’re going to have students come with baggage. Perhaps abuse at home, depression, loneliness, a lack of love, poverty, parents not being able to control their children, and things of that nature. It’s just part of the job. But for some reason, I’ve been handed situations very early on in my teaching career that seem very heavy; more heavy than normal. I’ve spoken to many other teachers that I know and most, if not all, have never experienced the things I have in such a short time.

On Friday, I had one of my kids come up to me and tell me that a man tried to rape her. He pulled a knife on her, grabbed her, and then tried to force himself onto her. Luckily, someone heard what was going on and it was broken up quickly enough before anything else happened.

She came to class upset, naturally. I went out in the hall with her and we stood there and I just let her talk. She was shaking and crying. I felt so helpless and I had to hold myself back from crying. I spent most of my period out there with her, just trying to be there for her. As a teacher, especially a male teacher, what do you even say? And how do you console someone who just experienced something like that? I’m not like Olivia Benson on SVU; someone who is trained to deal with this kind of thing. It didn’t help matters that other kids in the school were calling her things like a “stupid ho” and other things that implied that she somehow brought this on herself.

Kids can be unrelenting and they can be unbelievably cruel.

It was so surreal and I felt weird the rest of the day, I still kind of do. It’s amazing what they don’t tell you and train you for in college.

Horrible. Absolutely horrible.

Thousands of protesters are dead and the bodies of hundreds of executed monks have been dumped in the jungle, a former intelligence officer for Burma’s ruling junta has revealed.

The most senior official to defect so far, Hla Win, said: “Many more people have been killed in recent days than you’ve heard about. The bodies can be counted in several thousand.”

You can read more here and here.