1) Parties are never as much fun when you’re sober. Fact.

2) When you’re DD for the night, driving your drunk friends who’ve been drinking everclear all night can potentially be annoying, but last night it was the exception. It was very hilarious. Especially if your friends find an empty waffle box with Winnie The Pooh on the cover inside your car. Don’t ask how the box got in there. It’s just in there.

3) I don’t like distance. It makes things hard.

4) Dressing up as a contestant from Legends Of The Hidden Temple wins my vote for, “Costume Of The Year”. Other good costumes: A murderous lumberjack, a chick magnet (cardboard U colored as a magnet, with two plastic chickens on it), and drunk hillbillies with a jug of moonshine.

5) When you dress up as Marilyn Monroe, and you wear her famous white dress…chances are that at some point in the night, it’s going to be lifted.

6) Mini-skirts made out of caution tape and duct tape can be hot, and not just at Halloween time either. But, it wasn’t last night. Especially if both women look man-like. Oh God. So not hot. And when they start grinding on the couch…next to you…it makes things very uncomfortable. I’m not sure if they were lesbians or not. It doesn’t matter. It just wasn’t hot either way. Those caution tape and duct tape dresses seemed to get shorter and shorter as the night went on too.

7) Punk rock kids know how to party. Fact.

8 ) Trying to find a gray wig is damn near impossible. And trying to find maroon pants is even harder.